There are 3 stages that must occur in a relationship before you reach your “Happily Ever After”, so my text-book says from my Dyadic Relations course I took in university.
The first stage is the “honeymoon” stage where everything is all rainbows and butterflies and all you see is hope, love, excitement flourish and you forget to eat or sleep because all you think about is that person.
The second stage is a the “make or break” stage. In this stage, you really start to unfold into reality and see each other for who you really are. Not just hopes and dreams but flaws and trauma, and quirks and habits. I find this stage intriguing and beautiful. There is something beautiful in the vulnerability that one is unfolding for you to see. Trusting in you to hold them closer and just show love as they unravel, only for you to see, your most vulnerable sides in hopes that you will accept them for exactly who they are and work through and stick it out through the tough times. It’s in these tough times, you really get to know someone and find connection. It’s this stage that will show the true strength of the relationship.
The last and final stage is the “acceptance stage”. In this stage, you see an imperfect person perfectly and accept them and love them for exactly who they are. This is the stage you see people together for 25 plus years together. These are the relationships that have found true spiritual connection. The ups and downs don’t stop when you reach this stage, because life still continues and throws obstacles on the path of life. The difference is that, they work together to solve problems and see it as something they need to work through together. Spiritual connection stays strong even through the struggles; soul mates.
Where does spiritual connection with the self fit in, you ask?
Well, how can you find spiritual connection with someone else if you lack it in yourself?
To define spiritual connection with yourself, l will define it as self-love, a feeling of a purposeful life, conscious awareness of your thoughts and feelings, the ability to find comfort in your own company, and a strong grounding and knowledge in your own core value system; a full acceptance of the person you are and acceptance of the changes that have occurred and continue to occur.
Spiritual connection with the self is not in comparison or competition with spiritual connection in your relationship, in fact, they coincide with each other.
If you can look and see the imperfections in yourself and accept them then being able to empathize and accept flaws in others will come naturally. At this point, you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to invite spiritual connection with others. This is a beautiful thing.
I invite you to find connection with yourself and connection with others. Be vulnerable, love yourself and love others as if they were extensions of yourself. Truth: At the end of the day, we’re all, as human beings, searching to find spiritual connection; to feel understood and loved.
Though the distance has brought it’s obstacles, I’m thankful for those struggles. It’s those obstacles and struggles that have brought realism and opened up vulnerability in mine and Graham’s relationship. The strength is there and the spiritual connection is real.
Stefanie Baranowski 